Tuesday, February 07, 2012

do: surviving awkward target moments.

today we made a target run and it was exceptionally awkward.
as follows...

1. getting distracted by a 70% off clearance sign and literally running my cart into someone. like, an actual person. sadly, no amount of smiling, rambling, or cuteness from my kids could appease the victim. 
(a lawsuit may be in the works. let me know if you'd like to donate to my plight.

2. feeling like hot stuff (cause, duh, i showered today) only to discover that i looked a lot more like a hot mess. bummer.

3. trying on clothes in the fitting room and the person in the room next to me is listening to music on their phone. out loud. for everyone in the fitting room to hear. i have nothing against nicki minaj, but can you seriously not try on clothes without a freaking soundtrack? 
(okay, i may or may not have danced a little bit, but i was mostly annoyed.)

4. having a britney spears "imnotagirlnotyetawoman" moment in the fitting room when i realized i'm too big to fit into juniors' pants but not big enough to wear ladies' pants. not really sure where to go from here. maybe the gap...

5. thinking i'd spend about $50 and spending 3 times that. (TARGET!WHYMUSTYOUTORTUREME?!)

6. overhearing piper tell the person behind us in the checkout line, 
"my mommy killed an animal so she could make that vest." 
talking about the faux fur vest i was wearing. #mortified.

7. having my first target man (opposed to target lady) at check-out. after discussing 13 out of 17 products i was purchasing, he proceeded to tell me that he knew my driver's license was an old one "because pretty smiles like that aren't allowed on the new ones." seriously?! unless you're my grandpa's age that's not ok. (however, in his defense: apparently now in iowa, you're not allowed to smile when you get your driver's license picture taken. for real.)

8. realizing, as i finally left the store, that my fly had been down the entire time. cherry on top.

any good target moments for me?


  1. My most recent trip to Target Boutique consisted of:
    1. Running into not one, not two, but THREE clothing racks.
    2. Knocking over lots of jewelry while trying to get that one really cute piece off that I wasn't going to buy anyways.
    3. Rambling like an idiot to the checkout guy cause he smiled at me, and that somehow made me think he wanted my life-story.

    All of this was without kids, so I didn't even have anyone to blame my ridiculousness on. Lame.

  2. Sophomore year of high school.
    Newest member of the concert choir. (1 of 5 sophomores)
    In the dressing room with Courtney Sabus going ON AND ON about how ugly our choir dresses are.
    Turns out, my new director was in the very same dressing room.

    No wonder she hated me so much...

  3. Target is the only place I have lost my son. (In my defense, he ran from me. I think he was trying to lose me). People staring. Judging. I ran to the checkout to tell a cashier and there he was, in line.

  4. I recently got a coat at Target and EVERY time I enter or leave when I am wearing it the alarm goes off!! I have tried to get them to fix it, but it still happens! So now I just tell the checkout person 'The alarm is going to go off when I leave because of this coat.' And I always run into racks, they are too tight in some spots. Plus I can never leave Target without spending $100.

  5. You crack me up! And I l.o.v.e. Piper's comment. :) hehe
    I once spent 3 hours (no lie) in Target just trying to get a few simple things that I needed because every 10 minutes one of my children would have a huge tantrum and lay down on the floor in the middle of an aisle. I would just walk away and pretend they weren't my child until they'd stop being so loud...then I'd go back for them and we'd start all over again. Ugh!
    Love Target...but love it more when I get to go by myself.

  6. this is so amazing. you are hilarious. we hardly go to target (not because i don't love it, but because my bank account can't handle it), but now that baby is almost here we're there like every other day. i learned it's quite awkward to run into people in the baby aisles who are buying a gift for you. especially when you have a registry gun in your hand. (it's happened twice.) it feels sort of like you're saying, "oh, hey, let me be your personal shopper and help you buy me a gift." :)

  7. If you tried on pants in the fitting room then your fly was only down from that point on....if that makes you feel any better?

  8. ohmygawd hilarious! I'm seriously addicted to Target clearance ... like ... shouldn't be allowed in the store addicted! Sounds like you had a memorable trip :)

  9. I'm at work and having a pretty awful day. I took a two minute break to read your newest post..It absolutely made my day! I laughed out loud at more than one of your awkward moments and made me remember to laugh at my own awful day.
    Thanks for the pick me up!

  10. Try American Eagle for pants! I'm petite as well and they always fit great!

  11. Bethany, this whole post made me smile. I didn't know you had awkward moments. I thought it was just me. Also, remind me to show you my license next time I see you. The guy taking my pic surprised me with the, "by the way, you can't smile" and then he took my picture while I was deciding what to do with my face.


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