Tuesday, November 15, 2011

think: to-do or to-don't.

warning: this is going to be one of those ramshackle posts that is poorly-written but will hopefully make me feel better after i'm done.

Ocean Waves

i've never been good at focusing on one task at a time. my mind is constantly flooded with the ten other things that need to be accomplished before the end of the day and i find it difficult to start a project and see it to completion. my mom thinks the women in our family have ADD--she might be right.

this morning i'm thinking about the rest of the laundry that needs to be put away (though, i'm proud to say i made great strides in this area yesterday), the laundry room that needs to be painted (it's currently the brightest yellow you've ever seen, but somehow still looks dingy and gross), the groceries that need to be purchased, the workouts that have been on the back-burner, the shower curtain liner that needs to be replaced, the e-mails i need to answer (that's you jill, alison, christi, mandi, olivia and dad!), the walk that maisy needs, the lunch with manda i need to reschedule (soon!), the blog post i need to write, the midamerican bill i need to pay, the cable bill i need to question (up $16 since last month? um, no.), the snacks that need to be brought to piper's classroom, the haircut that needs to be scheduled (just a trim), the bathroom drawers that need to be organized, the plans for thanksgiving that need to be made, and the for sale sign i really want to stick in the front yard by the end of the week. not to mention the fact that christmas is around the corner. (is it really?!)

i know this isn't unique to the female experience. i know that every mother (every woman? every person?) has errands to run and things to do and people to please and bills to pay and endless other stressors... how do we silence all those demanding voices to just focus on one thing at a time? how do we know what to put on the backburner and when to take it off? or is it actually possible to balance it all at once?

i read blogs. so i know there are women out there who (appear to) make everything from scratch and sew their own clothes and wash their hair everyday and make crafts with their children and, on top of that, take gorgeous pictures of it all and blog about it. i understand that will never be me. i can't sew, i don't bake and i only wash my hair 3 times a week. i don't strive to be perfect and i honestly don't beat myself up for not being one of "those" women (whether they're a figment of the blog world or not...). but i do want to continue to grow and learn and be the best version of me. i don't want to always be so scattered. i don't want piper to be 4 minutes late to school every day. i don't want to always feel rushed which leads to irritation which leads to another lost temper.

i want to live a healthy, balanced, peaceful life. a life where i feel close to god and close to the people i love. i want my children to feel safe, secure, and loved. i want my husband to feel respected, loved, and confident that i would choose him all over again, every day of my life.

when i think about my family and what i want for them, all the other demands seem a little less... demanding. of course i still need to pay my bills and it'd be good if i made it to the grocery store today, but those things aren't worth my stress or my distraction.

so  i guess there's my answer.

12 comments:

  1. you need to-don't more lady! find a few things you can pass on to the kids like little chores or responsibilities (I find even asking my kids to take out the garbage or replace toilet rolls is easy and it works), pass a thing or two on to your husband (i.e. have him bring home dinner one night, even if it's just a pizza or subs) and then you have to just take a "pass" on a few things too. I find if I commit to less I have less floating around in my head. Then I am able to be in the moment more and be clear headed when I am in the moment.

    But do know - all women go through this. It's insane to balance a family, kids, husband, a household and a life of their own. So don't feel crazy or alone in situation.

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  2. Balance has also been on my mind a lot lately. I often wonder why I have to keep reminding myself what is important and what isn't. It's a lesson i keep repeating!

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  3. I super appreciated your ramshackle thoughts this morning. You pretty much typed out how I feel!

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  4. Doesn't being an adult suck sometimes? You are on the right track and there is so much grace!!!

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  5. Sometimes its hard to attach the real "human-ness" (did I just make up a word?) to those who are the writers of the blog's I look forward to reading. Of course you're human. But, to know the struggles and desires rather than only the accomplishments and the triumphs, makes it easier to connect with the humanity of it all. That we all are.
    I'm here in Utah, reading your blog, looking at the pictures of your gorgeous self, your stellar husband, your beautiful babies, your home with the table I want, your abundance of friends, your fun outings and all the rest of it.
    Most of it I connect with. I get it. And then, you post a post such as this one, and I'm reminded that you are just as human as I am. You real desires are the same as mine.
    I appreciate knowing that under what I view as 'the surface', there is more likeness than there is difference.
    For me, it is comforting.
    Thank you.

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  6. 1. I love your honesty SO MUCH thats the main reason I've friended you :)
    2. YOURE AMAZING ALL THE TIME JUST ACCEPT IT
    3. Your my mentor and someone I look up to all the time for ANYTHING.
    4. You're an amazing wife we had a crappy year last year and now we get to make up for it.
    5. You're beautiful and I love that you only wash your hair 3 times a week wish mine looked that good.
    6. Remember God loves us through and through all the time no matter what.
    My last thing is we just survive sometimes ya know... thats how I feel if everything isn't "perfect" at least we know its God's plan and to Him it's perfect!!!!

    I LOVE YOU :)

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  7. When I am overwhelmed which is fairly often. I make a master list of all that is occupying my brain and then I prioritize and tackle the most pressing. I also suggest tackling a few easy ones like scheduling a haircut to get the ball rolling.

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  8. Bethany,

    I am right there with you! Although I don't have children.. yet... I still feel overwhelmed with "life" in general. Just tonight I almost had a nervous breakdown because we are putting in our kitchen and I can't STAND the clutter... haha...

    Like someone mentioned above, we are all human and these are the blog posts I like to read.. ones that are REAL! It's funny when you talk about these blogging women who seem to be able to do it all.. every time I read your blog I just think that you seem like such an amazing mother, wife, friend, creative mind, etc... You seem to have it all together and look stylish doing it ;)

    Do know that you are not alone when it comes to a scatter brain.. you are just human! :)

    Every week I look forward to reading one of my favourite blogs ;)

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  9. on a day where i have a huge list of things to do and i'm running late to do all of them, i'm so glad i was procrastinating+reading this. perhaps my room won't get clean today. and that's okay if i spend some time with my mom and make sure i call my niece for her birthday.

    thank you.

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  10. I have been struggling with this myself. Between my ADD and my anxiety disorder, the daily obligations of life are always a stressor for me. I am slowly learning to instill a more positive tone in my voice, try to smile more no matter how crazy I feel at the time.
    I have read and re-read a book called The Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff. It uses Winniw the Pooh stories to explain basic principles of Taoism, and how to accept the inner nature of things. Stay true to yourself, your husband, and your family, and you can do no wrong.

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  11. I posted a comment but guess it didn't stick. Loved the candor & skill w/which you look, see, reflect & express "the world according to B." I sure struggle with the press & pace of responsibilities & would prefer long walks in the woods & sessions with my favorite novel. But I know "Jesus is with me- with me all day. With me at work and- with me at play. With me at home and- wherever I go. How I should love Him- who cares for me so." I'm glad for the grace I'm not even aware of. I thank Him for a tender moment of spiritual reunion with a loved one through her blog. I praise Him for His great mercy that abides when I've moved on to other "urgencies." Our Savior fell asleep in the back of the boat after a long day of walking, talking, teaching and preaching.

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