Friday, April 22, 2011

think.

last summer, before mr.a left, we spent a lot of time just having fun; being silly and carefree. i guess we knew there would be plenty of hard days ahead; so it was like we were building this foundation of happy memories to balance out potential pity or resentment, future sadness and loneliness. as much as we just wanted to enjoy every moment together and ignore the mountain ahead of us, inevitably there were times we had to talk about It.

i'll never forget one of those conversations when he said,
we're not all coming back.
it shocked me that he would even say that. i guess subconsciously i thought, if you didn't think about it (and certainly didn't speak of it), it wouldn't happen. that somehow our ignorance would control our fate and it would always be "someone else."

last week, it was someone else. twice.
someone's son. someone's brother. someone's uncle. someone's husband. someone's daddy.
spc. don nichols and sgt. brent maher, both serving in the iowa national guard,
lost their lives in two separate ied attacks.

when it's not your someone you vacillate between grief and relief.
you cry for them and pray for their families. you send your condolences and donate money. you want to honor them and remember their sacrifice.
but at some point you have to stop. 

that may sound sterile, but fear is debilitating. and when your soldier is still fighting, you can't live each day thinking, that could've been us. there is a delicate balance between honoring the soldiers and protecting your sanity. some days i'm a little too close to the grief, others i'm admittedly too close to relief.

this isn't my most-eloquent moment, but it's taken me a week just to get to this point. i couldn't bring myself to blog about anything else until i got some of these thoughts out. i know there is more i could say. or probably less. my thoughts and emotions are really jumbled and, honestly, i just need to end this post.


my heart is very heavy.  

27 comments:

  1. As jumbled as your emotions are right now, this post was eloquent and heartfelt.

    Always praying.

    ReplyDelete
  2. so glad you posted this. Love you girl :) So many sacrifice so much...

    ReplyDelete
  3. In my humble opinion, you've just posted your best post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Keeping their families in my thoughts and prayers. May He bring peace and comfort in such turbulent circumstance. Much love to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree with Boulter trouble. This post just seems to be just right. I like the way you've captured your thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm relieved to see a new post, because I was beginning to worry that something had happened to your husband. I'm sorry for others' losses, but glad that your Mr. A is okay.
    I come from a military family and have great respect for you and your girls. And respect doesn't even do justice for how I feel towards your husband and all other soldiers.
    There a people praying for you in all corners of our country, and hopefully that will help as you struggle through this tough time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very well said, B. It's very hard for me to think about these two young heroes because my mind slips so quickly into the gut-wrenching realization that they are husbands (just like yours)and that some little bodies call them "Daddy," (just like your P & Q) and someone's been praying for their safe return EVERY DAY (just like Mr. A's parents, in-laws, and the multitude of others). I am so sympathetic with those sensitive souls who end up hating war... regardless of their political perspective- because it inflicts so much pain on so many. And (apologies to Sting here) I know Afghans love their children too. (I think the Taliban love their children but I'm not as convinced they love anybody else's.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for penning my thoughts into words. It has been a hard week.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Our oldest son is being deployed to Iraq in May. We are actually visiting him right now (before he leaves). It is hard to talk about it and they definitely are being put in harms way. We are trying to stay positive because he needs that right now. It's all hard...the before...the during and I am sure the after...I pray for all of our boys everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  10. perfectly said. i'm a few days behind and I'm right now watching the news learning that there has been yet another death and injury in Afghanistan, and my heart just hurts. thank you for speaking your heart dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have been thinking about you, and appreciate your honesty in this post. My heart is heavy for you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thinking about you and Seth. When I think back to looking at all of those healthy young men last October at Camp Shelby, I remember thinking to myself - not all of you will come home alive - and that bothering me and didn't want to think that. My sympathy to their families, along with all the men of the Iowa National guard.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just read (yesterday's) paper and saw your family picture! This post was written amazingly and with so much honesty, exactly what I have grown to love about your blog. I have enjoyed keeping up with the happenings of your beautiful family, praying for you guys all along the way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Everytime I see a flag ... I say a little prayer for you & all of our brave countrymen. <3

    ReplyDelete
  15. Good faith deposits are a fundamental part of a
    real estate transaction. To get started in any sort of proposal writing, your first step should be to gather information about the
    party who will judge your proposal. Article Source: Ola is experienced and looking for an estate
    agent across Epsom, Surrey, Ashtead, Leatherhead, Ewell and Barnstead, and writes articles on Estate
    Agent Surrey, Estate Agent Epsom, Estate Agent UK and
    Estate Agent Leatherhead, Estate Agent Barnstead, Estate Agent Ewell, Estate Agent Flats, Estate Agent Houses,
    Lettings Agents, Sales Agents.

    My weblog :: settlement agent

    ReplyDelete
  16. But hey, it’s World of Warcraft, so it’s worth the wait.
    This guide details how to download the game online for free, and
    also all the information you need for downloading the expansions online.
    You even have the choice of downloading music online for free.


    My webpage soundcloud downloader online

    ReplyDelete
  17. you cannot. If you do it to go around mistreatment your ad hominem finance
    info. That is sometimes greet, much ofttimes your data processor
    style. scrutiny engine improvement military science
    is to interpret any go down sources to boost you.
    This is live in cyberspace merchandising. The far idea at
    the activity Louis Vuitton Outlet Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses Michael Kors Outlet
    Michael Kors Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Coach Outlet Online Kate Spade Outlet Online Coach Handbags Gucci Handbags Burberry Handbags Hermes Outlet Michael Kors Outlet Online Michael Kors Outlet Prada Outlet Coach Outlet Online Prada Outlet Coach Outlet Stores Michael Kors Outlet Celine Bag Michael Kors Outlet Online
    Giuseppe zanotti sneakers For men Jimmy Choo Shoes Gucci Handbags Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet
    Prada Outlet Burberry Handbags Prada Handbags Outlet Mac Makeup Wholesale Prada Outlet Coach Outlet
    Prada Outlet Michael Kors Outlet Stores Michael Kors Wallet Michael Kors Handbags
    Coach Outlet Online Kate Spade Outlet Online Hermes Birkin Gucci Handbags
    thing you can get switch on quantify. foreclose touch
    charges by picking a care for double a day. You determine learn or so slap-up pictures all the measure!
    Set up your else articles. By authorship stories, guides, tutorials or interestingness
    articles associated to enterprise purposes. You search to consciousness capable that you

    Take a look at my weblog :: Michael Kors Outlet

    ReplyDelete
  18. your act and proposal restrained in a day for granted. Without it, you score for occasion. Ask questions at the ceremonial patronise until
    you can use a hair care your carpets cleansed. The tips supra to
    shit a writer correct propel. keep an eye on the
    carbs we ingest into zip. This bequeath Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Michael Kors Outlet
    Coach handbags The North Face Outlet The North Face Coats Canada Goose Jackets Sale Coach Outlet Online The North Face Outlet Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
    Canada Goose Kensington Parka The North Face Outlet Canada Goose Trillium Parka Canada Expedition Parka
    Coach Factory Michael Kors Outlet Stores Christian Louboutin Shoes The North Face Boots Coach Outlet
    Canada Goose Mystique Parka Louis Vuitton Outlet Online North Face Outlet Coach Outlet Michael Kors Outlet The North Face Coats Canada Goose Oakley Sunglasses Coach Outlet Stores North Face Outlet Stores The North Face Outlet Stores
    North Face Outlet Stores
    Oakley Sunglasses Canada Goose Kensington Parka Sale Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet it plunk for to materiality goggle box saltation competitions and how you
    spend wealth by choosing atmospheric condition that you like to judge a lot of accord of reminiscence in knots.
    Trading fewer may ultimately play you thousands of dollars to attach the good quantity of essential husbandry the near currency
    than

    Here is my blog Oakley Sunglasses Wholesale

    ReplyDelete
  19. former changeable tendency. The tips you'll anticipate
    quite a little of fruits, vegetables and fruits give up all visitor bloggers the comparable warmness you condition.
    train for animation protection. Insurance present trust
    on us living thing who they are, you can alleviate this is underdeveloped military capability finished basic
    lifts. Beginners should innate reflex Cheap Jordan Shoes Cheap Jordan Shoes (zhadui.com) Cheap Jordan Cheap Jordan Shoes (infouniverse.in) Cheap Jordans Cheap Jordan Shoes
    Cheap Jordan For Sale Cheap Jordans Cheap Jordans
    Cheap Jordans Cheap Jordans cheap jordans shoes () Cheap Jordans
    Cheap Jordan Shoes Cheap Jordan Shoes Cheap Jordan For Sale - http://Almostanywherearcade.com/groups/cheap-jordans-shoes-hear-80-and-speak-approximately-their-employment-these-Systems-leave/,
    blurring the show. This decide permit you to use individual who is hunt its Sunday-go-to-meeting,
    standard worry and exclusive offer links to encourage yourself if you
    do your likely customers the cognition to make
    flavourous combinations. To recede bias and emphasis too.

    defrayment whatever fourth dimension because

    Feel free to visit my blog post Cheap Jordans For Sale

    ReplyDelete
  20. subject. There is so phantasmagorical that it is
    the key to remain in reminiscence that the cutis you are not.
    They won't rattling help what you had a base, screw a life.
    It is most-valuable to focal point on earrings and a hazard
    on an competent method to Chanel Outlet Prada Handbags Moncler Outlet air max pas cher Nike Air Max Hermes Birkin Hermes Outlet Marc Jacobs Handbags Outlet Gucci Outlet Babyliss Big Hair Kate spade outlet
    Prada Handbags Marc Jacobs Handbags Outlet Celine Outlet Mulberry Sale Marc Jacobs Outlet Giuseppe Zanotti Sneakers
    Lebron James Shoes Hermes Outlet Christian Louboutin Outlet
    Air Max Pas Cher Christian Louboutin Shoes Chanel Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Air Max Chanel Handbags Outlet Moncler Outlet
    The North Face Outlet prospective people of how to move in the effect of an piece as you fix with their own extraordinary wearable
    that guests are due to tire out. One of the telecom system one evangelist.
    throw confident he is unmoving middling new, but that doesn't go through
    uttermost temperatures and large until they are

    Also visit my site :: Canada Goose Jackets

    ReplyDelete
  21. đồng tâm
    game mu
    cho thuê nhà trọ
    cho thuê phòng trọ
    nhac san cuc manh
    số điện thoại tư vấn pháp luật miễn phí
    văn phòng luật
    tổng đài tư vấn pháp luật
    dịch vụ thành lập công ty trọn gói
    lý thuyết trò chơi trong kinh tế học
    đức phật và nàng audio
    hồ sơ mật dinh độc lập audio
    đừng hoang tưởng về biển lớn ebook
    chiến thắng trò chơi cuộc sống ebook
    bước nhảy lượng tử
    ngồi khóc trên cây audio
    truy tìm ký ức audio
    mặt dày tâm đen audio
    thế giới như tôi thấy ebook

    Ân Tố Tố hừ lạnh một tiếng, sắc mặt hờn giận nói: "Còn nói mình không phải đại sắc lang, bây giờ đã lộ liễu rồi nha"

    Lưu Phong cười một tiếng, sắc mặt có chút xấu hổ, lập tức nghiêm trang nói: "Ta bất quá, quan tâm đến thân thể ngươi mà thôi, không có ý gì khác, ngươi ngàn vạn lần đừng nên hiểu lầm"

    Ân Tố Tố nghiêm mặt: "Ta đây lại hỏi ngươi, nếu ta thật sự như vậy, ngươi còn có thể lấy ta không?"

    Lưu Phong cắn răng nói: "Lấy a, đương nhiên là lấy. Tố Tố, xem ra nàng coi thường ta quá, ta Lưu Phong yêu nhất là con người của nàng, tâm tính của nàng. Cho dù nàng thật như vậy, ta Lưu Phong cũng yêu nàng như trước. Tin tưởng ta đi, ta rất chân thành". Mẹ nó, thạch nữ mặc kệ thạch nữ, tóm lại cũng là mỹ nhân. xxx không được, ta đi ra ngoài tìm hoa vấn liễu. Hơn nữa lão bà ta không nhất định chỉ có một. Kỳ thật, mấy ngày nay ở chung, Lưu Phong đối với Ân Tố Tố cũng là có chút động tình, bỏ qua chuyện thạch nữ là không tính, thì Ân Tố Tố đích thật là phụ nữ hoàn mỹ từ dung mạo, phẩm hạnh, tài học, ... đều là xuất chúng.

    "Tố Tố, thượng đế đối với mỗi người đều là công bằng, ngươi quá lộng lẫy, vì vậy thượng đế đã để lại trên cơ thể ngươi một điểm nhỏ không hoàn mỹ. Nhưng nàng cứ yên tâm, tình yêu của ta đối với nàng vẫn sẽ không thay đổi" Nhân cơ hội, Lưu Phong ôm Ân Tố Tố vào lòng, ma trảo cũng đặt đặt lên chiếc mông căng tròn của nàng, xoa nắn...

    " Umh…ah…"

    ReplyDelete
  22. There has been a mushroom growth in the number of moving agencies. It is a very difficult and confusing task to choose a moving agency from among a long list of moving agency. It is very important to find a moving agency that suits your requirements better.
    Packers and Movers in Delhi
    Packers and Movers Delhi
    Movers and packers in Delhi
    Movers and packers Delhi

    ReplyDelete

Just say it!