Thursday, November 04, 2010

love.

reader request, vol. 3
anonymous asked: I want to know more about your first pregnancy. Was it planned? Did you always want kids early? How many more do you guys want? What's the most important lessons you've learned as a mom?


mr.a and i hadn't quite been married a year when we moved to colorado. his parents' company had purchased a home and asked if we'd be willing to move there for the summer to remodel it with his older brother (who had lived there for several years). we jumped at the chance and were very excited to have a little summer adventure in estes park.
i got a waitressing job and we quickly made friends through his brother. we lived in the basment of the house while they remodeled the upper level. it was sort of like camping--we didn't have a stove and the basement was dark, dirty and freezing; but we had a really fun summer.
i had been using the patch as birth control but began to have some negative effects from the hormones, so i decided to try some "alternative" methods. i'd always had a pretty regular cycle so i had never paid much attention to when my period came. i just knew it came every month around the end of the month. but then... august came and i couldn't remember having a period in july. i was immediately nervous. we had never even discussed pregnancy (besides naively saying we wanted to have 10 kids!) but having a baby at this point wasn't part of our unwritten plan. i was honestly scared of what mr.a would think if i were, in fact, pregnant. i didn't say a word to him about it.
one morning, i snuck out of bed and drove down to the grocery store as soon as they opened. i felt like everyone was staring at me as i went through the check out with 2 boxes of pregnancy test. i went straight into the bathroom at the grocery store and took my first test. i nervously waited two minutes, but i didn't need to. it showed a plus sign within 5 seconds. but i still didn't believe it.
i went home and took another test.
i went to work that day and took two more.
i hid all those tests in my purse and didn't say a word to mr.a.
 
all week i was waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell him. i thought of a million different ways to break the news. but i couldn't find words to say what i could hardly believe myself.
 
that friday we went to a concert in denver with a big group of people. we'd all been looking forward to it for weeks. i wanted to tell mr.a before the concert but, i didn't want him to feel like we shouldn't go. or, worse, what if he was mad at me? (isn't that crazy? i can't believe i was so nervous.) i was in a foul mood all night. the concert was on a huge lawn so we were standing the whole time. everyone was having a good time but the smell of beer and cigarettes and pot was making me nauseous. all i could think about was the little baby in my belly. we all stayed in a hotel room together that night (like 10 of us in a suite!) and i at least got the pull-out couch.  
 
the next day, he took a nap and i drove to hallmark. i walked down the aisle of baby cards, crying. i picked out a card for  mr.a, regained my composure, and took it up to the counter. the woman looked at the card and said, "awww, this is sweet. who's havin' the baby?"
i lost it.
"m-m-m-me!"  
i went home and crawled into bed next to mr.a. i laid the card next to him. when he woke and discovered it he said, "what's this?"
"it's for you," i said and hid under the covers.
i could hear him opening it.
a few moments while he read it.
silence.
"are you serious?"
i rolled over and looked at him for the first time.
yes.
"wow, babe. that's crazy... but really exciting, too."
a wave of relief washed over me.
  we hugged and snuggled in bed all afternoon, talking about the little baby that we hadn't planned and weren't prepared for...but already loved so much.
 
*
our summer in colorado turned into a year in colorado. piper rice
was born five days early, on may 8th in a little hospital in estes park. 
we named her piper because we felt it was spunky and sweet. (which has been quite fitting for our piper.) we had originally planned to name her willa but, a few weeks before she was born i looked back over our list and piper just seemed right. rice is my grandmother's middle name.
 
though we didn't "plan" piper, we knew we didn't want our children to be too far apart in age. so when piper was a little over a year, we stopped "preventing" and became pregnant with quinn margaret a few months later.
we had a friend in colorado named quinn and i always loved her name. we were pretty decided on naming her quinn from the beginning. margaret is my other grandmother's first name. since the name quinn is somewhat androgynous, i love how feminine margaret sounds.
 
*
i used to think i wanted to have a bunch of kids. but...then i had one. haha. but really, having kids is the hardest thing i've ever done. in fact, if i'd known how hard it really is, i probably would have been a lot more careful with my so-called "alternative" methods of birth control (mentioned above). it is also the most incredible thing i've ever done. it is a gift and a privilege and i try to remember that on the really hard days.
our girls bring us so much joy. indescribable joy. some days i'm very content with our little family of four. but,  mr.a and i would love to have a boy. we dream of having a boy and, honestly, if quinn had been a boy i'm fairly certain we would have stopped at two. so there's a possibility we will try to bring another child into our family.
but, first i need my husband home. wink!

5 comments:

  1. This is cute. And I know exactly how you feel..... EXACTLY.

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  2. Love it!!! Thanks for sharing.. i always wondered!!!

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  3. thanks for the flashback post....love it!

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  4. Just found you on Kendi's list, I'm on it too! This post sold me on becoming a follower.
    Www.jewelscapes.blogspot.com

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