Wednesday, August 25, 2010

think.


miss moments.

when i reached for my cell phone to see if he wanted to meet for lunch. oh wait... nevermind.
*
seeing eat, pray, love.
i wanted desperately to eat, pray, and love with him.
*
*
when i hit my head, the only person i could think to call was him. it took me a moment to figure out who to call instead.
*
our daughter's first day of preschool.
which required her first back-pack. a back-pack!
*
grocery-shopping.
for some reason, it's terribly lonely to buy food without considering what he wants or needs.
*
buying toilet paper.
he always insisted that our bums deserved nice toilet paper. so i buy it.
*
making coffee.
he always made the coffee. now, if i want it, i have to make it. and i always make too much. it's hard to make coffee for one.
*
discussing goals and plans and dreams, via text.
*
listening to kings of leon with piper.
she & i listened to that cd non-stop while he was away at boot camp. now, here we are again, singing at the top of our lungs; without him.

*
snapping in the car.
yes, snapping. like with my fingers. i love to snap (and whistle!) but for whatever reason it super-annoyed mr.a when we were in the car. maybe he felt really confined  and claustrophobic because of my auto-snappiness, i don't know. all i know is, i love to snap, but i would restrain myself out of undying love and commitment to my mr.a.
now i can snap (and whistle!) all i want. which should be happy, but it's still kind of sad.
*
piper's bedtime.
he always put her to bed. it was their time. i've tried to do it the same way he did, but i'm just not that patient after spending 13 hours with this little girl. i just realized that for the past four weeks i've forgotten to say, "don't let the bed-bugs bite!" they said it to each other every night. followed by a rowdy, "CHOMP!"
it was their thing, so i shouldn't feel too bad. but if she can't have her daddy, she at least deserves her routine.
*
anytime something inspires me, moves me, affects me--i want to share it with him. but it can be hard to share those things hours later over the phone.
*
anytime i see something romantic.
almost every void left by a deployed spouse can be filled in some way or another. though it may never be filled completely, there's usually a reasonable substitute; a neighbor to mow the lawn, a friend to see the movie with, a parent to give the hug, a sister to do the pig-tails. however, the romance void can not be filled. at least not apropriately.  so therefore, not at all. i guess i'm a romantic. because i really miss my romance with mr.a.

8 comments:

  1. just said a prayer for y'all. hang in there! i used to write down things that i wanted to tell him so that when i got the chance to talk to him on the phone, or email, or whatever - that i wouldn't always forget :)

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  2. Awww... such a sweet post, makes me so proud of you for your bravery (and mister a's) and thankful for my guy. How's that head doing? Man... it would take me a minute to figure out who to call too. I hope you have an adequate "call instead of mister a" list. I'd be on it if I could... I'm a bit far away!

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  3. i've been thinking about you and i dont even know you personally! haha

    i can't imagine what it must feel like even though you paint a very clear picture.

    i think you are doing remarkably well.

    i'm really proud of you.

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  4. Wow...this was so beautifully written. As the sister of a soldier who spent a year in Iraq, I am always grateful for the men who choose to serve. A huge thanks to your Mr. A, and I will be praying for you on the home front.

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  5. pretty sure that's the cutest pic of you two. ever.

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  6. I have a suggestion for the coffee problem. I have a tassimo one-cup brewing system. It makes one cup of coffee at a time. It's really nice when there's only one coffee drinker in the house. It also makes tea, chai, hot chocolate, cappuccinos, lattes, etc. Very handy! :). Like I said, I have a tassimo but you can also get a keurig. Both of them are very good. Purchasable at Bed, Bath & Beyond! :)

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  7. Hi there!
    Thank you for writing such a lovely and heartfelt blog! My husband is deployed to Afghanistan also-and reading your words is always a bright spot in my day. Take good care of yourself and your beautiful family! I'll be sending all my good thoughts your way for your husband's safe return!

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