Wednesday, August 04, 2010

think.

good thinks about deployment:

1. i can eat on his side of the bed and, when it gets all crumbly, roll over to my side to go to sleep.
so far that's all i got.
sure, there are things like....ummm...well, i mean, there's....you know....things like...
2. spiritual and emotional growth.
it's hard to welcome challenges, but it is inevitable that we grow because of them.
3. watching as many chick flicks as i want.
though, i tried that last time and let's be honest, they mostly suck.
4. free health insurance.
'nuff said.

5. a chance to pursue some personal goals.
like... learning to sew!

6. spending more time with my lady-friends.
i love hanging out with girlfriends, but they don't hold a candle to mr.a. (it's hard to beat a friend with benefits) so when he's gone, i'm up for every girl's night, bunco night, bachelorette party, you name it.
7. pride.
i am insanely proud to be a military wife. i didn't know that was part of the package deal, but it is. i've even got the bumper sticker.
8. new relationships. 
i am the member of a club. the army wives club. i now have a common bond with some amazing women from all generations.

9. developing a really strong bond with my daughters.
piper was always a daddy's girl (and always will be) so i had to get used to her always asking for him, reaching for him, preferring him. but when he's gone--i'm her only option! ha-ha. but seriously, i am grateful for the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with them and i'll always cherish the hugs, kisses, and snuggles that help me through the tough days.
10. the sense of accomplishment i know i'll have
when this is all over.

i used to be so timid and nervous about doing things on my own, especially for the first time (like getting the oil changed or driving in a big city). i was just not a very confident person. fearing rejection i would end relationships and allow friendships to remain shallow. fearing failure i would self-sabotage; quit the team, drop the class, skip a practice. i didn't know if i was good at anything so i drifted from hobbies, jobs, interests and people.
but little successes in my life have begun to change my vagrant tendencies.
 i remember wanting to throw myself off the side of a mountain during my first back-packing trip. but i finished. and survived. and felt amazing. then, during a challenging week-long canoe trip, i drew upon the strength and success from that back-packing trip. and when the week was over, i was so proud of myself. it was the hardest thing i had ever done. a year later when i was in natural labor with piper, i drew upon the strength and success from that canoe trip. when it was finally over, and i held my daughter in my arms--i felt like i could do anything! 
last year, when mr.a left for training, there was a whole list of things i would do for the first time: live alone, shovel the driveway, pay all the bills, try to single-parent. but i did them. and more: i attended events alone, developed a deep trust with a group of women, joined an exercise class, made new friends, became really comfortable asking for help and accepting it. all those things have prepared me for this deployment. they've given me a sense of who i am as a wife and mother and woman.
and i am becoming a really strong woman.

14 comments:

  1. I definitely know the feelings and emotions of multiple deployments! Something i tell people is anyone can survive and even THRIVE through a deployment. If you're faced with it you just have to make it work. But there's also so many blessings that have come out of this year of separation from my Derek. Just remember to stay encouraged and be around people who can share in your experience. :) I now have two really dear friends who i probably wouldn't have gotten to known that well if Derek was still here! Both are Chaplain's wives and have been a tremendous support!

    How long will he be gone for? Take it one day at a time! You'll get through it!

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  2. he'll be gone for a year. and, i totally agree: one day at a time. it's overwhelming to think about a year, but i can handle one day.

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  3. Bethany, I don't know you but I stumbled upon your blog awhile ago through a mutual friend. I haven't commented yet but really wanted to today. My husband was in the Navy for the past 5 1/2 years, and the past 3 years we lived in Japan and he was gone 8 months out of every year deployed on his ship. I got tears in my eyes looking at your deployment pictures and can relate with so many things you say about him being gone. Hang in there - it definitely makes you a stronger person and you can see what you CAN do by yourself you never thought you could. Keep relying on the Lord's strength and those He puts in your path to help you along the way. It's a tough season of life and I hope the year goes as quickly as it can so you can be together again!!! Praying for you and enjoy reading your blog! :)

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  4. you are a very strong woman, and you will get through this day by day (sometimes hour by hour). your "10" list will keep growing. take good care of yourself and your girls.

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  5. way to look at the bright side... it's difficult, but bright.

    love ya girlie!

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  6. Love this list! (although I'm sad about the reason for you coming up with it)
    About #5...I just picked up some patterns for adorable little girls' clothes similar to my fav catalog that I wish I could afford clothes from (Chasing Fireflies). If you're interested - we can sew a cute little outfit together! :)

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  7. Bethany! I know we haven't really been the closest of friends or seen each other in forever but if you even need anything let me know!
    I can't really say I know what it feels like, but I have some experience with having a family member deployed. My brother has been deployed a few times, and I probably wouldn't have much to say but im a great listener :)

    I will be praying for you and your family!

    Becca

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  8. 11. After lots of "one-day-at-a-times", he comes home.

    12. Super hot Home-From-Deployment Sex

    You can do it. *hug*

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  9. Oh my word. My sister is gross.

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  10. Growth-through-adversity. Sense of adventure. Acceptance of reality. Choosing to be grateful. Take it as it comes. Lemons to lemonade. Maturity. Gotta love it. Gotta love YOU!

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