Saturday, June 19, 2010

see.


almost every time we eat, piper sets a little bit aside.
"this one is for daddy!" she says.
sometimes it's a pretzel. sometimes it's the crust of her pizza.
today it was one of the black raspberries we picked in the yard.
it's quite sweet but also very sad.

mr.a has only been gone for nine days but it feels like an eternity.
it's nothing compared to what lies ahead.
as soon as he gets back from training camp, the countdown begins. we will have 30 days together before they mobilize for deployment.  i keep trying to remind myself that hundreds of thousands of families have gone through this before. they have survived.
and we will survive.

i can't help but dread it. i can't help but feel a dark cloud following me. i am prone to depression and it is especially hard when i don't have mr.a here to normalize me. he has been a constant in my life for the past decade or so and when he is gone i realize how dependent i am on him. whether that is healthy or not, he is my truest, dearest, bestest friend; the one person i can be completely honest with. and i just don't feel like myself without him here.

the one benefit of being separated from mr.a is that i am much more aware of my need for Jesus.  i have a relationship with him but often choose to rely on my realtionships with others instead.  i try to follow Jesus' teachings and usually fail miserably. but i am aware of my shortcomings and deployment makes them all the more noticeable.
 
i hope that when mr.a returns, he not only finds a pile of healthy snacks, but also a happy and healthy family. three girls who have continued to live and cry and laugh and grow. always putting a little aside for him, but never ceasing to enjoy life's sweetest moments.

9 comments:

  1. That must be so hard - I'll pray for you! It's a good thing that Jesus is "the friend that sticks closer than a brother."

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  2. Prayers are coming your way... for all of you. YOU CAN DO IT. What a sweet post; very delicate, thoughtful and sweet.

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  3. ive been reading your blog for quite some time! Many MANY of your posts have touched me, but this one, this one is ever so sweet! I cant even imagine what you are going through! But I know you must be one tough woman to get through it, and with 2 baby girls....AMAZING! I hope that your time away from mr a builds your relationship stronger, and that the days fly by!

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  4. Beautiful and sad. Praying for you and the girls. Big loves, Bethany!!

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  5. So sweet & honest. Made me think of this song.

    "what a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear. What a priviledge to carry everything to God in prayer."

    Sometimes He puts us in situations to strengthen our bond with HIM.

    Blessings.
    Valerie

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  6. Katy Kopp MillerJune 21, 2010 at 9:01 PM

    what a beautiful post. :)

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  7. I read this the day you posted it, but haven't had a chance to comment til today. You are awesome. I don't think I would be able to do what you are doing, & your strength & grace definitely comes through in your writing. Good luck & more to you & your girls through this next little bit. I'm absolutely positive that you will reach your goal!

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