Friday, January 29, 2010

do.

oh my word. i am overwhelmed and in denial.
those should cancel each other out, right?
somehow i feel both.
overwhelmed. the wee babe is sick and just wants to snuggle (and watch momma blog). how can i deny her watery eyes and croaky cries. she can't even suck her sweet thumb 'cause she has to breathe through her mouth. poor little nugget. i want to take her to the chiropractor but i'm pretty sure they leave early on fridays and the big sis is napping. denial. i have a scary amount of dishes to do. by hand. like, it's so bad, i just used a crusty fork to eat lunch. i scraped off a chunk of something & just went with it. that's how bad it's gotten.overwhelmed. i gots bills to pay. (don't we all.) i've done a crap-job of keeping up with our finances the past month. sometimes i hate being in charge of everything. i don't resent it. but that doesn't mean i like it. denial. i need to step up my game. in the past week, i've realized that i've just been sort-of... existing since mr.a left. i know it's not healthy for me (or the girls) to just put life on hold until he returns.  i'm so lucky to have a man that truly makes me a better woman. but i want to be a great wife, mom, and woman all the time. not just when i have mr.a by my side.
i need a plan.

6 comments:

  1. Ugh. That sucks. I pray Q is back to her mellow and thumb sucking self soon! I pray a dishes fairy does your dishes while you are sleeping! I wish I could help with the bills and I wish Mr. A was home now. But if you need anything else just let me know!

    This is manda...I am just too lazy to change it to my log in instead of madeline's. how lame is that? :-)

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  2. hey bethany. i found your blog one day through meredith's and enjoy it so, that i became a regular reader! i've never left a comment because i thought, "she doesn't even know me!" however, something about this post made me want to leave you a message. our fourth baby is almost 4 months old and even though chad is not away like seth is (i keep up with that situation through ami, with michael and all) i, too feel like i am just existing. i want more too. more for my kids, chad, and me. i often wonder, is this really how God wants my life to be as a mom? shouldn't i be all joyful and crap???" :) anyhow...i guess i just wanted you to know that you are, most definitely, NOT alone!

    -mindy clarkson (of chad and mindy clarkson! i think you know chad :)

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