Monday, October 12, 2009

think.

this has so many layers...

the practical did you lock that door? are the outside lights on? tomorrow is trash day, but not recycling. next week is trash and recycling. you need groceries. popcorn is not acceptable for dinner more than once a week. mortgage? check. water? check. car? check. phone? check. insurance? check.
the emotional i miss you. i need you. i can do this. i can't do this. i'm weak. i'm scared. i'm strong. i'm brave. i'm lonely. 
the physical i'm exhausted but lie awake. i wear your clothes to feel close to you. my chest feels hollow. my stomach, knotted. my eyes burn with tears, my head strains and aches to fight them. 

with each layer, i get better.
wiser, braver, stronger.
just better.
i guess we're kinda both in boot camp.

7 comments:

  1. Hang in there! You are so strong, having 2 kids is not an easy feat, and doing it alone makes you a hero too! Thinking about you and praying for the safe return of your husband!

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  2. *tears* We love you and your family and we ache for you and the girls. Please remember that you are being bathed in prayer.

    Has Piper gotten over her Bartimeus obsession? ha!

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  3. just reading this makes MY eyes are burn with tears

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