Tuesday, August 04, 2009

think.

hey. it's been a while, huh? i'm now the mother of two children. that's right two. i still have moments where i'm like, "two? really? wow. yeah." this pregnancy (along with everything else these days) revolved around piper. even though there was beautiful quinn growing inside; on the outside, life was all about little p. because of that, it's almost been shocking that quinn is really here. that my pregnancy is over and now i have a baby. and a toddler. yep, two.
the transition for our family has been...good, i guess. i didn't have very high expectations. figured it'd mostly just be hard. so, it's been fine. not better or worse than i expected. maybe a little better? i don't know. i'm too tired to decide how i feel.
piper loves quinn and loves being a big sister. i wondered if she would resent any attention i paid to quinn and so i've been intentionally commenting on how awesome it is to be a big girl (ice cream, singing songs, pacifiers, etc.). piper has actually been really protective of quinn and doesn't really like anyone else to look at her or hold her other than me.
"that my sister!"
"don't look at my sister!"
"you no hold my sister!"
"mommy hold her!"
i'm sure we could discuss the deeper psychological meaning there, but i don't care to. i'll just pretend she loves and adores her sister so much that she wants only the best for her (me, of course).
quinn, is doing well. she had low blood sugar and body temp. when she was born but that worked itself out in the hospital. she also was/is a bit jaundiced so i've had to take her to the doctor every day to have her billirubin checked. this has been inconvenient and annoying. they have to prick her foot and then squeeze out a vial-full of blood. well, her foot is like the size of a nutterbutter and there's not a whole lot of blood in there. so it takes for.e.ver. she screams. piper wails ("my baby, don't hurt my baby!"), and i cry. today i finally had the brilliant idea to let her suck on my finger, which helped. and thankfully, they called today to say her billi is down so we don't have to bring her in until her two-week check.
i'm fairly exhausted about mid-day and that's about when my nether-regions start to ache. so i fight the guilt and bribe piper into laying in bed with me to watch the wiggles while i doze for a bit. i feel bad because she deserves to play outside or go to the park or on a walk--but i just can't do it yet. i know i shouldn't feel guilty, but i do. the weather is nice and soon enough the weather will suck and we won't be able to go outside at all and we'll be watching plenty of the wiggles.
now i'm just rambling. i think this post is more for me than you. a "dear diary" post. sorry. i wanted to give you a little update and this is just where i am right now: rambling, non-linear, foggy-headed, with a side of weepy. my goodness, am i weepy! lately i've cried because....piper and her cousin got the bathtub dirty (by taking a bath?), while watching high school musical 3, when too many people came to visit at once, when all those people left, thinking about jon & kate getting divorced, listening to piper sing "the wheels on the bus", listening to mr. arganbright read to piper, when piper pulled her cousin's hair, and for countless other minor reasons.
did i mention i'm taking tylenol with codein?

8 comments:

  1. Ugh. Those first few weeks are the total pits if you ask me. Thankfully there is hope and we all know it does get better. Hugs to you, my friend!!

    Remember, dinner from the Millers tomorrow night. I am sure it will be horribly nutritious....or not. Lol!

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  2. Huge hugs from me to you! I'm right there with ya sista! Whenever you feel up to it, we'll have a playdate and cry together! ;)

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  3. I think it's that time of the year, I feel for you. For some reason I have been foggy headed and TOTALLY emotional. I think I've cried about something everyday since Friday. You're strong and have me as a friend ;)

    XOXO

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  4. I know that you know that you shouldn't feel guilty, but I will say this anyway. What Piper deserves more than outside time or a walk to the park is a well-rested Mommy. *smile* Recovery from the demands of pregnancy, labor and delivery is very short, so don't lose heart. Recovery from caring for a newborn and adjusting to a new life are taxing, but quite short as well. God has given Piper a sweet baby sister to love and with that she also gets to learn some patience and boundaries. Consider that those learning opportunities are just as much a gift from Him as precious little Quinn.

    Praise the Lord about her billirubin! We had to do that with Mara's tiny little foot as well and it was so sad.

    Tears can be very healing. I heartily recommend them. They're a good thing.

    So is anything with codeine.

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