Thursday, April 09, 2009

think.

i officially became a sister in the
Mu Omega Mu Sorority.
the past year was my pledge, this week was my hazing.

it actually started off on a high-note:
after a week of discussing the new potty, pretending to use the new potty, and reading books about caillou and prudence using their potties; piper finally went "pee-pee" in her potty! mr. arganbright and i were pleasantly surprised because we haven't been pushing it, we've just been trying to introduce the idea to her. but sunday morning while daddy was sitting on his potty, piper wanted to sit on hers!

sitting and waiting with daddy...

wiping...

success!
that was just a teaser.
from there, things went down, down, down...
after that, we still didn't really push piper to use her potty, but if one of us was in the bathroom, we'd ask if she wanted to try, too. on tuesday morning she was watching sesame street while i got ready for the day. i heard her say poo-poo, pee-pee a few times so i yelled down to her that she could come up and try her potty if she wanted to. she never came up so i figured she just went in her diaper--no problem. when i went to get her i could smell poop from the top of the stairs. i thought, must've been a doozy! well, i was right. i found piper stripped naked except for her diaper. there was poop smeared all over her body and the carpet, and she had "hidden" all the chunks (excuse the potty talk) under her rocking chair. that was when i went into shock and because i have ptsd, i can't remember what happened next. okay, not really. i was in shock, though. somehow i stayed completely calm but i had no idea where to begin. i literally called mr. arganbright to ask him what i should do...
do i start with the big chunks of poo? what do i use to pick them up?
should i clean her up first? how can i get her to the tub without touching her?
can i give her a bath without letting her actually touch the bathtub?
do i scrub the carpet clean or just burn it?
he laughed while i tried not to cry. i think i ended up giving her a good scolding and scrub-down. then took on the basement. it's really all a blur. a smelly, disgusting blur that i hope to never relive.

later that day, mr. arganbright and his bffs (i use that term out of pure spite since he wasn't there for the poop episode) decided to brew beer. they brew a couple batches at a time and it was a little crazy because piper was running around, i was cooking dinner, and they were trying to keep everything organized and sanitary. piper came into the kitchen with a handful of individually-wrapped wipes that she got from our first aid kit in the bathroom. she handed me one and said, open mommy! i looked at it, opened it, and showed her how she could "clean" with it. she went back to the bathroom where our friend M was sanitizing some stuff in the sink. i went back to making dinner while piper & M stayed in the bathroom. later, she came into the kitchen and one of her cheeks was really rosy. the whole thing was super-red. i asked her what happened, but she didn't say it hurt or anything. i was confused because her cheek was so, so red and starting to look really irritated. she still had the wipe in her hand and i noticed she wiped that same cheek with it a couple times. i took it away from her and her cheek kept looking worse. it started swelling and i could see a few little spots where the skin was sort-of blistered and peeling. all we could figure out was that she must've rubbed & rubbed her cheek with the antiseptic wipe and, awesome mom that i am, i never considered it could be dangerous. M is a trained paramedic & fire fighter and he told me not to worry but that it was a chemical burn! crazy. i put some burt's bees baby oil on it and within 15 minutes it started looking better, but this is what it looked like that night:

all the lighter part was swollen and peeling.
it looks way better now, but it's scabbed a little bit and will probably take a week or so to heal completely. even though she never said it hurt, i felt terrible and will be way more cautious about stuff like that in the future.


my last obstacle before becoming an official MOM, occurred today at target. we just needed to run in and get a few things so i let piper walk instead of riding in the dreaded cart. that was my first mistake because it takes 10x longer to get anywhere when you have to stop at every aisle and touch everything. but, whatever, we finally got what we needed and got in the (very, very long) check-out line. piper went to look at some dvd's nearby but she started to wander a bit so i picked her up and walked back to the line. all of a sudden i smell something nasty and sour. i realize she's spit-up/vomited down my shoulder and back. awesome. so, i'm standing in the huge line reeking of vomit, but i don't want to lose my place and i have nothing to clean it off with. we finally got up to the register and they had a 99-cent pack of wipes so i was able to get the chunks off, but the smell was there to stay. it was so sick.

there better be an awesome kegger at the end of this week!

6 comments:

  1. HYSTERICAL!!!! If you need poop cleaning advice talk to Cinnamon. Both her boys were poop smearers.

    I seriously can't stop laughing....

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  2. oh.my.word. this is hilarious. don't know that i have read a more hysterical take on pleding MOM.

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  3. I AM SO, SO SORRY! THAT'S WHY GOD MADE BABIES SO ADORABLE--IT HAS PROBABLY SAVED MANY A LIFE!!!

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  4. HOLY KRAUT Bethany ... I cant stop laughing. Im sorry but it really is a funny story. I am SOOOO thankful M & E where never played with their poo. Oooh the stories of Manda's nephews .. you think you had it bad? SISTER you experienced a teaser to what they did. I even experienced an episode one Survivor party night.

    Ill share the story sometime :)

    Have a great weekend you three.

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  5. Oh Bethany. What a story...I am laughing so hard. Wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you walked downstairs...

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  6. oh my goodness! that story has officially made my day! i think you deserve a night out for sure!

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