Thursday, January 15, 2009

think.

the other night mr. arganbright told me he will most-likely be deployed in august 2010. he doesn't know where, or for how long, but i think he expects about a year. i fell asleep thinking about this...
i woke up in darkness and sweat. i knew i had been dreaming, but couldn't remember anything but an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

we met in 1997.
since then, the longest i've had to go without seeing him is about 3 months. the summer of 2003 (he was traveling) and the spring of 2004 (i was in oregon). he wrote letters, i made cards, we both sent packages. and it was awful.

last night i was thinking about all of this again.
i was thinking about how long a year is. every new year's we say, "wow, where did the year go?" sometimes they seem to fly by. but a year is still a lot of time. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,765 hours.

i'm scared.
not nervous. not anxious. not worried. scared.
i don't know how i'm going to get through this. i know i will. i just don't know how.
i want to pray that he doesn't get sent, but i'm not sure that's the right thing to ask for.

i have to give up my fear.
i can't handle it myself and it will crush me.
this experience is already humbling and it hasn't even started yet.

4 comments:

  1. oh bethany! i hate when Mark is gone one day for Rugby, wow. you can do it, because God will do it through you. praying about it in advance! that God will fill your days will sweet joy because of your babies and lots of friends and family to help and encourage and keep you laughing.

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  2. WTF happened to just a few months!!! A year!!! I'm scared already too and it's not even me. I'll call you soon and we can talk.

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  3. Oh Bethany! Should we move back!? What a life changing thought. Call when you're free since I'm sure you're crazy busy. Love you and thinking of you guys!

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